


Little by Little

by MarssCrown



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Autistic Spencer Reid, Cuddles, Diapers, Fluff, Little Spencer Reid, Mentioned trauma, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Spencer Reid Centric, Spencer is a cute baby, Stims, Stuffed Toys, Super irregular updates, Touch Aversion, anxiety attack, caregiver jj, i am emotionally attached to this fictional stuffed animal, like seriously there’s a stuffed cat in here his name is Ollie and I love him, sippy cups, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:22:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarssCrown/pseuds/MarssCrown
Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is autistic, this isn't news to the BAU team. It isn't very apparent, and the little things he does that could indicate it could simply be perceived as the strange behavior of a boy genius. Dr. Spencer Reid is a little, but they figured that out pretty quickly. They also came to realize that it's much more apparent that he's autistic when he's little. Because when he's little he's no longer Dr. Reid. He's just Spencer.--This fic has age-play themes revolving around things like diapers, pacifiers, and things of that sort. If you don't like that sort of thing kindly go somewhere else :)please comment! i love responding to comments, whether they’re questions or suggestions, seeing a number by my inbox makes my day. the more comments the better :)
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Comments: 46
Kudos: 260





	1. .1.

**Author's Note:**

> If I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

The first time Spencer slips in front of the team is on the flight back from Georgia after his abduction by Tobias Hankel. He was unusually fidgety, staring at the one hand sitting in his lap while the other hand’s thumb sat against his lips. He didn’t put it in his mouth, however. He maintained enough self-control to keep it just against his lips. He was silent as he sat isolated in the corner. The team collectively agreed to leave him be. He’d had a rough last few days both with Hankel and in the hospital after. He’d hardly spoken since the team found him over Tobias’ dead body, and they couldn’t fault him for that.   
JJ, a caregiver by both classification and general nature, knew exactly why Reid was acting the way he was. She changed seats to join Hotcher as soon as it hit her.   
“Hotch,” she whispered as not to wake the sleeping Morgan in the next row over. “What’s Reid’s classification?” Hotchner looked up from the report he’d been studying intently upon hearing the question. His eyes flicked to the squirming boy on the other side of the aircraft. He looked back at JJ knowingly. He didn’t have to say anything more for her suspicions to be confirmed. She rose from her seat and approached Reid carefully. He’s clearly still in shock, coming back to reality, the last thing she wanted to do was freak him out more. As she approached she realized there were tears on his face. Tears still rolling down his cheeks, and her heart broke a bit more. She sat next to him gently, leaving space between them. She knew better than to crowd him.  
JJ reached out slowly to place a hand on his shoulder, retracting it quickly when she felt him tense, cursing herself for not asking first. “Spence,” she spoke softly. He flinched, closing his eyes and pulling further into himself. “Spence, honey can I touch you?” He turned to face her, body slightly relaxing. He drew in a sharp breath and nodded. She shifted towards him, wrapping her arms around him delicately, as though if she moved any quicker he would shatter.   
Something shifted in Spencer when she invited him into a hug. His body completely relaxed and he dropped his head into her shoulder, and he cried. Not loudly, he was far too tired for that, but his body shook and he held her tightly like he was afraid she’d disappear. JJ rubbed his back and held him just as tight.   
She waited for his shaking to settle before attempting to pull away. Spencer whined and held her tighter in protest. “Spencer, sweetheart, I need to ask you something.” his grip loosened slowly before he let himself pull away entirely. He glanced briefly at the wet spot on her shirt where his head had been.   
“‘M sorry about your shirt,” he glanced down at his lap, just like he had been doing before she came over. She almost laughed. He was little, upset, and scared and he was worried about her shirt being a little wet.   
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, I can wash it,” she smiled at him and placed her hand on his. “Spencer, can you look at me for a second?” He was hesitant but complied nonetheless. “Honey, how old are you?”   
He shifted uncomfortably. “T-twenty five,” JJ chuckled slightly at his response.  
“No, Spence sweetie I mean how old are you right now?” He shifted once more, gaze falling to the floor again. He didn’t speak, but he sheepishly held up two shaking fingers as a fresh round of tears began their descent down his cheeks. JJ reached over and pushed a stray piece of Spencer’s long hair out of his face before trailing her hand down and under his chin, encouraging him to look at her again. “Baby, why didn’t you tell anybody?” She was genuinely concerned for him. Has he been regressing by himself all this time?   
Spencer shrugged and placed his head on her shoulder. “Thought you’d think ‘m a baby,” he mumbled. He let his eyes wander for a moment before they filled with tears again. He tensed and immediately lifted his head from her shoulder. JJ immediately looked over in concern. “Y-you can’t tell anyone,” he sputtered. JJ just looked at him. “Pinky-promise,” he held up his right pinky. JJ obliged, linking her pinky with Spencer’s. The panic melted from his eyes, replaced with a sleepy demeanor. JJ recognized this and invited him to lay back on the couch, which he did without hesitation.   
Before she let him drift off she asked him a final question. “Spence, why don’t you stay with me tonight? I want to show you something.”   
Spencer, now practically asleep, mumbled out something of a “m’kay” before rolling onto his side and allowing his thumb to push past his lips. He was asleep. Peacefully. JJ sighed in relief. Moving slowly so as not to rouse the little boy, she made her way back over to Hotchner.  
“He’s asleep,” she whispered. “And he’s gonna come home with me. I don’t think him being alone is a good idea right now.”  
Hotch simply nodded, and JJ returned to the seat she was in initially, finally allowing herself to drift off for the remainder of the flight.

\--

JJ jolted awake as the plane met the runway. She blinked blearily for a few moments before remembering what had happened earlier in the night. She immediately turned to look at the couch Spencer was on. He was still asleep. She smiled for a moment before approaching him. “Spencer, honey, wake up baby we gotta go to my house,” she shook his shoulder lightly. He made a noise that sounded like a squeal as he rolled over to stretch.  
“M’kay, ‘m comin’” he mumbled, becoming more aware of his surroundings, and by extension more self-conscious. His shoulders tensed as he stood. He was still in pain and just raising his arms to get his bag made him grunt. JJ immediately stepped in.  
“Spence let me get it, you’re still hurting.” She wasn’t asking, and he was too tired to protest as she stepped in front of him to retrieve the duffel bag. He followed her silently off the aircraft, standing idly as she spoke to Hotcher briefly, before trailing behind her to her car. She made sure he was comfortable in the passenger seat before sitting in the driver's seat herself. She didn’t start the car right away, instead, she turned to Spencer, who sat with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, staring intently out the window. “Spence,” she began. “Honey are you ok? There’s nobody else here, you can talk to me.”  
He didn’t tear his gaze from the darkened parking lot. “It hurts,” he whimpered, and JJ’s heart broke. He was hurting and she couldn’t do a thing about it.  
“I know, baby,” she consoled. “Why don’t you take a nap. I know you’re tired and my house is half an hour away. I’ll wake you up when we get there and we can see the thing I wanted to show you. Sound good?”   
“Yeah, ‘s good,” he rested his head against the window and closed his eyes.  
He was out before she pulled out of the lot.


	2. .2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

JJ drove slowly to avoid waking Spencer. The normally 30-minute drive wound up taking closer to 45, but she didn’t mind. Seeing him peaceful was worth it. She pulled into her driveway and just sat there looking at Spencer. She looked him up and down and frowned. He was still covered in bruises and half-healed cuts, and when he shifted throughout the ride she could see him wince in pain, even in his sleep. She didn’t want to wake him, he’d have to feel the pain then.  
JJ sighed. She didn’t have a choice. “Spencer, honey, wake up. We’re here. You just have to wake up for a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep, ok?”  
It took him a second to respond, but his eyes fluttered open to look back at her after a moment. JJ got out of the car and ran around it quickly to open Spencer’s door and help him out. She led him to the door, helping him take his shoes off once through the door, exposing his mismatched socks. She guided his sleepy form to the spare room of her house, instructing him to sit on the bed. He obliged, sitting silently at the foot of the bed.  
JJ moved to the closet, pulling out two large blue storage bins. “This is what I wanted to show you, baby,” she opened the first bin to reveal toys, stuffed animals, pacifiers, and sippy cups. Spencer’s eyes lit up. “I started collecting things for littles when I got my classification,” JJ explained. “But then I got so caught up in my work I didn’t have time to find someone to put it to use.” She removed the lid from the second bin. This one had blankets, bottles, and, the items that caught Spencer’s eye the most, diapers. “So I was thinking, if you’d like, they could be yours. What do you think, honey?”  
Spencer lowered himself to the floor. He examined the bins from afar. “Me?” he asked softly.  
“Yes, sweetheart, anything you’d like.” JJ was smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. She watched as Spencer tentatively shifted to the first bin, running his fingers over the soft materials of the stuffed animals. He felt each one before pulling an orange cat plush from the bin and hugging it close to his chest and rubbing his cheek to the stuffed animal’s fur. “Do you like that one, sunshine?” He didn’t answer verbally, he just nodded and hugged the toy tighter, burying his face in the tufts of orange fur. “Ok, sweet boy, then he’s yours.”  
“Ollie,” he said, not loosening his grip on the plush. “Dat’s his name.”  
“What a nice name, baby. Do you see anything else you like?” JJ urged him to take more. He turned his attention to the second bin and examined the blankets, repeating the process he’d used on the stuffed animals, feeling them carefully to find a texture he liked.  
This didn’t go unnoticed by JJ. She was quickly realizing that he was hypersensitive to textures, and made a note to herself to be aware of other sensitivities he may have.  
Spencer decided on a blue throw blanket with stars on it. He traced the stars with his fingers before unfolding the blanket and wrapping it around himself, draping it over his head like a hood and wrapping it around the rest of his body. JJ smiled at him, extremely happy to see he was feeling a bit more comfortable now. She decided to gauge a concern she had. “Baby, do you want to pick out a pacifier? I saw you sucking your thumb before and that’s icky.” Spencer wrapped the blanket tighter around himself but returned to the first bin regardless. He released his grip on the blanket entirely in favor of rummaging through the packages of pacifiers once he saw all the choices, though. He didn’t have to worry about texture as much here, so he surveyed the patterns and colors instead. His choice was a light yellow pacifier with a sun decal in the middle. JJ immediately removed it from the package but didn’t hand it to him straight away. “I’m going to go wash it really fast, ok sunshine?” Spencer nodded, tightening his grip on the blanket.  
When JJ returned, she found him examining some of the toys in the first bin. His thumb had found its way into his mouth again, but it dropped when he saw her return with the pacifier. “Here you go, sunshine,” she said as she kneeled next to him on the floor and placed the pacifier between his lips. He wasted no time in beginning to suck on it rhythmically. “Isn’t that much better?” He nodded in response and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Ok honey, why don’t you get some sleep? You had a very long day, and tomorrow we can check out some of these toys, ok?”  
Spencer didn’t respond, though she didn’t expect him to. “Are there some jammies in your bag?”  
This time, she got a soft “mhm” that was muffled by his pacifier. She began rummaging around in his bag, emerging with sweatpants and a t-shirt she knew Reid would never use for anything besides sleep.  
“Do you need help changing, baby?” He nodded and raised his arms so she could slide his vest up over his head, which she did without hesitation, carefully maneuvering it around his pacifier. His tie was next, followed by his button-up, and finally his pants. JJ helped him stand and held the sweatpants out for him to step into. He shakily stepped into them and she pulled the shirt over his head. JJ bent down to the floor and picked up the stuffed cat and blanket, offering them to him. He took them and rubbed his eyes again. JJ encouraged him to lay down, which he did eagerly. She tucked him in, making sure the duvet of her guest room’s bed was wrapped securely around him. “My room is just down the hall if you need anything, ok sweetheart? If you need anything you can come wake me up. I’ll leave the hall light on for you” Spencer nodded sleepily, eyes already beginning to close.  
JJ pressed a kiss to his forehead and whispered “Good night sweet boy.”  
With Spencer’s eyes closed at this point she wasn’t anticipating a response. “G'night mama,” she heard him slur around his pacifier. She surely wasn’t anticipating that response. But she wasn’t bothered by it, she actually quite liked it.  
JJ stepped out into the hallway, leaving the door open a crack so the room wasn’t completely dark. “Mama,” she repeated to herself. She could get used to that.


	3. .3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

JJ had been a light sleeper her whole life. The smallest things could wake her, so it didn’t surprise her that she was immediately awoken by her bedroom door creaking open, filling her room with light from the hall. JJ sat up and glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand. 2:47 AM blinked back at her. She returned her attention to the doorway when she heard whimpering. She could see Spencer’s silhouette, shaking violently as he sobbed softly. “Spencer, what happened, baby?” JJ was wide awake now, and she switched on the lamp on her bedside table.  
Spencer looked like a bigger wreck than he had before. His eyes were puffy and red, full of fear. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet anxiously. He was clutching his stuffed cat to his chest like a lifeline. His hair was tousled, more than it was normally. His pacifier was nowhere to be seen, though his thumb was inching its way to his mouth. Then she saw it. The normally light grey fabric of his sweatpants had partially gone dark. Her expression changed from one of confusion to one of sympathy. “‘M sorry, mama,” he sobbed. “D-didn’t mean to! I had a b-bad dream a-and when I woke up I-I-I was wet… ‘M sorry.” He was in hysterics at this point, and JJ was quick to leap into action. She walked towards him, careful not to get too close without making sure he was comfortable.  
“Baby you don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. Can I touch you?” She asked. When he nodded she placed her hand on the side of his face and used her thumb to wipe away the tears that were still spilling from his eyes. “Let’s get you in a nice bubble bath and I’ll wash your sheets, ok?” He nodded against her hand, breathing beginning to return to a normal rate.  
JJ ushered him into the bathroom and began running the bathtub, making sure the water wasn’t too hot or too cold before plugging the drain and putting a little bit of body soap in the water. The bubbles weren’t as good as they would have been if she had used actual bubble bath, but she didn’t have any on hand, so regular soap was going to have to do “I’m gonna go get your sheets so I can throw them in the wash alright?” Spencer nodded, shifting uncomfortably. “Take off your wet clothes, sweetheart I’ll wash them with your sheets,” she instructed before walking down the hall to the guest room where she surveyed the damage. Thankfully the duvet didn’t seem wet seeing as it had clearly been kicked off and banished to the corner of the mattress. She pushed it to the floor before tossing the pillows as well, finding his pacifier buried among them. She took the pacifier and placed it on the bedside table before continuing to strip the bed. She balled up the sheets and carried them to the bathroom, making sure to grab his pacifier on her way out. When she returned to the bathroom Spencer was already sitting in the bathtub, his wet pants and boxers balled up on the counter next to the clumsily folded t-shirt, socks, and stuffed cat.  
“Shirt and socks weren’t wet,” he mumbled around his thumb. JJ dropped the sheets on the floor and knelt by the tub, shutting off the water and showing him the pacifier she’d brought with her. He perked up a bit at the sight of it, dropping his thumb from his mouth. JJ chuckled and placed it between his lips. He hummed contentedly and she made a note of his apparent oral fixation as she stood to put the sheets and wet clothes in the washing machine.  
She turned her attention back to the little boy in the tub. He appeared spaced out, staring at his hand as it lazily moved back and forth in the bubbles, sucking his pacifier rhythmically. “Spencer,” she said quietly. He looked up at her, snapping out of whatever trance he was in. “When you get out of the bath you can come sleep with me in my bed. Yours is wet and the sheets won’t be done for a while.”  
Spencer took his pacifier out to respond, holding it an inch from his lips like he was scared to lose it. “Don’t wanna get your bed wet, too,” he muttered, looking back at the water. He placed the pacifier back in his mouth.  
“Hey, if you do it’s ok. I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, but if you’re worried about it you can wear a diaper,” she suggested experimentally. She didn’t know his stance on them yet. She would never force him into something he was uncomfortable with.  
“M’kay” he slurred, not bothering to take the pacifier out of his mouth this time.  
“Are you sure, baby? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” JJ wanted to make sure it was something he actually wanted, not something he was doing because he felt like he had to. He just nodded, but something was clearly still bothering him. “Sweetheart, do you want to talk about your bad dream?” His eyes began welling with tears and he pulled out his pacifier again.  
“I was back with the bad man,” he began. JJ assumed the bad man was Tobias. “But he wasn’t hurting me,” he sniffled. “H-he was hurting you, mama. He was h-hurting you and I couldn’t ma-make him stop,” Spencer hiccuped, tears now streaming down his face and sobs shook his frame.  
JJ’s heart dropped. Of course, she knew his recovery from the experience would take time, but she hadn’t expected the memories to return with such vengeance. “Spencer, love,” she pushed one of his unruly curls out of his face. “The bad man is gone. And I’m right here.” He was still crying but hearing her say that made his breath steady and his sobs to settle.  
“You won’t ever leave me, right?” He asked, looking her directly in the face. JJ could see fear and sorrow in his eyes.  
“Not ever, my sweet boy,” JJ promised, leaning over to press a kiss to the side of his head, eliciting a small giggle from him.  
“Good,” he replied, satisfied. “I love you, mama,” he said casually, putting his pacifier back in his mouth and quickly finding entertainment in the bubbles that remained in the tub. JJ sat in shock for a moment.  
“I love you, too sweetheart.”  
Spencer didn’t really react when she said it back. He was much too invested in the bubbles that were rapidly disappearing from the water. “We’ll have to get you some bath toys, huh baby?” That grabbed his attention.  
“Ducky?” he asked around his pacifier.  
“Sure we can get you a ducky, baby.” JJ was just relieved he was calm, seeming almost happy now. She let him play with the bubbles, just happy to see him happy. She’d let him play forever if it made him happy. Though, tonight, that “forever” only lasted a few more minutes.  
“Mama ‘s cold,” Spencer said finally pulling his attention from the few bubbles that were still in the water.  
“Ok, baby, let’s get you in a nice, soft towel,” JJ hooked her arms under his armpits and lifted him from the tub, having him sit on the edge while she grabbed the towel that was hanging on the bar on the wall, wrapping him in it securely, ruffling his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He smiled around his pacifier up at her. JJ pulled the drain plug to drain the water before picking Spencer up and placing him on her hip. Little’s are naturally lighter than caregivers or neutrals, but JJ was sure she could lift Spencer even if that wasn’t true. The boy’s a twig after all.  
Holding Spencer with one arm, she grabbed his dry clothes and stuffie from the counter with the other. Spencer made grabby hands for the cat as soon as he saw it, squealing softly. JJ placed it in his arms and carried him to the spare bedroom.  
“Is there another pair of pants in your bag, baby?” Spencer hid his face in her neck upon hearing the question and shook his head no. “Alright, t-shirt and a diaper it is then.” She was just happy it wasn’t particularly cold that night. JJ placed him on the floor and pulled the bin with the diapers out. She removed two packages and placed them on the floor before him. “Do you want teddy bears or moons and stars, sunshine?” JJ asked. Spencer pointed to the package with the moons and stars before rubbing his eyes. JJ took that as her cue to make this quick. “Alright, baby, moons and stars it is. Lay down sweetie, we’ll do this quick so you can go back to sleep,” Spencer obliged, laying on the floor and fidgeting with his stuffed cat.  
JJ made good on her promise to be quick, and pretty soon he was sat up again as she pulled the t-shirt over his head. JJ could see him fighting to keep his eyes open. When she picked him up he laid his head on her shoulder but didn’t close his eyes until she set him down in her bed, tucked him in, and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Good night, my sweet boy. I love you,” JJ whispered, not wanting to wake him.  
“Night, mama,” he mumbled. “Love you, too.”  
JJ laid next to him, lying on her side to face him, watching him sleep. She watched as he held the cat plush close, how his pacifier bobbed up and down, how his breathing was slow and even. JJ watched him and, in that moment, decided she would do anything for her little boy.


	4. .4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

JJ woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows. Contrary to last time, the clock on her bedside table displayed a number she was happy to see. 9:21 AM. She rolled her head along her pillow to face the still sleeping boy next to her. She had a clear view of his calm features from the way he laid facing her. His breathing was steady, with no signs of his previously prominent anxiety. He held the cat plush to his chest loosely, nothing like the way he’d held it the night before. His pacifier was still bobbing between his lips.   
JJ just stared at him for a while. She reached out and softly pushed a strand of hair out of his face. He stirred slightly but remained asleep, sighing softly as he settled again. JJ didn’t touch him again after that. She was content to let him sleep as long as he wanted. As far as she was concerned he had more than earned a good night’s sleep.   
As carefully as she could, JJ stood from the bed, making sure the part of the blanket that was between them was securely around him. She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and this time he didn’t move. JJ left the room, leaving the door open as she made her way to the kitchen.  
Spencer wasn’t very pleased to wake up by himself nearly an hour later. He was in a room he didn’t really recognize in a bed that wasn’t his and he was all alone, and he was just as little as he was when he’d gone to bed. He looked around before realizing the door was wide open. He let himself slide down from the bed and onto his feet, holding one of the plush paws of his cat stuffie in one hand, rubbing his eyes with the other.   
As he began to walk he felt something between his legs. He looked down only to remember that he was wearing the moon and star covered padding. It didn’t bother him, though. It only annoyed him that he was more toddling than walking.  
He made his way down the hall to find JJ sitting at her table, files scattered loosely across the surface. She looked up when she heard his footsteps. “Good morning, baby,” she smiled. “How are we feeling about touching today?” She asked, wanting to be sure rather than make a mistake and upset him.  
“Good,” he slurred around his pacifier as he walked closer to her. She opened her arms to offer him a hug and he gladly accepted, nuzzling his head against her neck contently.   
“Well that’s good,” JJ began, picking him up and placing him on her hip. “Because I think today is a day for cuddles, huh baby?” Spencer giggled as she bounced him on her hip. JJ was just happy to see him smile. “But first let’s get some food in your tummy,” JJ tickled Spencer’s stomach lightly, eliciting another giggle from him as he nodded.   
JJ set a bowl of oatmeal in front of Spencer, who, upon trying to take a bite himself, managed to get it all over his face without actually eating any. He frowned, placed the spoon on the table, and pouted. JJ chuckled and wiped his face with a paper towel. She picked up the spoon herself. “Here, baby, let me do it for you,” she took a spoonful of oatmeal and placed it in his open mouth. He squealed and flapped his hands happily before opening his mouth for another bite. JJ couldn’t help but smile a bit at his behavior. She obliged his silent request for another bite. Clearly, the boy likes being fed, and JJ was more than ok with that.   
Despite her best efforts, Spencer’s fidgeting made sure he still wound up with bits of oatmeal all over his face and shirt. She wiped his mouth with a wet paper towel, but he was gonna have to change his shirt. “Spencer, love, do you have another shirt?” She was mentally crossing her fingers that his answer was yes because off the top of her head she didn’t think she’d have another one to offer him.  
Much to her dismay, he shook his head no. “Only big boy shirts, ‘n they’re not comfy,” JJ thought for a moment, trying not to let him in on the dilemma. He couldn’t stay in the shirt he’s in, that’s for sure, but she also knows his hypersensitivities to texture, so if he said his regular clothes are uncomfortable, there was no way she’d make him wear them. The more she thought, the more she realized about their situation as a whole. If he were going to stay with her for a while, he’d need more clothes and things from his apartment, regardless. He couldn’t be in the same clothes for that long. She knew they’d have to make the trip to his apartment sooner or later, but she also knew how insecure he got around other people when he was little. The situation was seemingly lose-lose.  
“Mama c’n we go to my house?” he asked, ever the genius even when regressed to the mind of a toddler. When JJ didn’t respond right away he continued. “Wanna stay with you, but I need stuff from my house.”  
“Of course we can, sweetheart. But we need to find you a shirt first. You’ve got more breakfast on your shirt than in your tummy,” she picked him and his dishes up, leaning down to let him grab his pacifier, which he promptly put in his mouth once again, and cat plush from the table. After placing his bowl in the sink, she walked him back to her room and set him on her bed. She turned to her closet, digging through clothes, stumbling upon some items hadn’t touched in ages. She emerged with a plain black pullover hoodie, a small white heart embroidered on the pocket. It was large on JJ, and she was confident it would fit him perfectly.   
She held it out to Spencer so he could test the fabric. He reached out to touch it cautiously, but when his fingers met the material he didn’t pull back. “Would you be ok wearing this while we go to your apartment, baby?” JJ asked. Spencer nodded. JJ sighed in relief, not because his sensitivity bothered her, she would never fault him for that, but because she was glad she had something that would work for him. As she removed his shirt, she saw he was still in the diaper from the night before. It was dry as far as she could tell, but she felt bad having not asked him about it yet. “Baby, do you wanna get out of that diaper? Your undies are clean now if you want them,” she was cautious with her wording. She wanted him to know that the choice was his and that she wouldn’t mind either way.   
“Can I… can I keep it on, mama? I kinda like it…” She could hear the insecurity in his tone and was quick to reassure him.  
“Of course you can, sweetheart. If it makes you more comfortable of course you can keep them. Now come on, your pants are nice and clean now. Let’s get you dressed and then we’ll go,” She picked him up and carried him to the spare room.   
In the hour between them waking up, she’d remade the bed in the spare room leaving no trace of what had happened the night before. His pants and boxers sat folded neatly on the bed next to his duffel bag. She helped him into his pants and the sweatshirt and slung his bag over her shoulder. Spencer looked up at her and held up his arms, asking silently to be carried. JJ was more than happy to do so. If he felt too little to walk she would gladly carry him wherever he wanted, but today, just to the car was enough.  
Spencer’s apartment wasn’t far from JJ’s place, and Spencer very quickly found himself in the lobby of his apartment building. He’d rejected JJ’s offer to be carried, his insecurity setting in as his surroundings became more familiar. What would his neighbors think if they knew the genius next door was a little? His pacifier was tucked into the pocket of the hoodie, which he tugged down in an attempt to conceal the fact that he was wearing a diaper. His cat plush had been abandoned in the car. There was no way he’d be seen with a stuffed animal! He’d insisted he be the one to carry his bag even though he was clearly still in pain.  
JJ frowned but didn’t comment. She didn’t like that he was uncomfortable, but asking him about it there would certainly make it worse. She watched as he fumbled for his keys, hands shaking as he inserted the key in the door. Once they were both inside the apartment he closed the door a little quicker than either of them anticipated, shoulders loosening a bit as he did. He released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.   
JJ looked around. The apartment was very… Dr. Reid. Bookshelves packed with books, most of which didn’t even have English on the spine. It was very orderly, save for the mugs of half-drunk coffee that were on the coffee table. There was no evidence that a classified little came anywhere near this apartment.  
She followed him to his bedroom, which was no better than the rest of the place. It was minimally decorated, the only sign of an actual human living there being the half-full hamper in the corner. He set his bag on the perfectly made bed and sighed. “I-I can stay here,” he finally spoke. “Thanks f’r takin’ care ‘a me last night.” He hugged her a little tighter than he’d intended. Of course, he didn’t actually want to be alone at his house. He’d always been one to resist his headspace, only ever letting himself really slip into it when he was absolutely sure nobody would attempt to contact him for a while, which, in their line of work, was next to never. Even so, the night with JJ made him realize everything he was missing out on. He wanted nothing more than to go back with her, but, even as little as he was, he let the insecurity of being a burden nag at him from the back of his mind.  
“I don’t think so,” JJ replied, pulling him tighter into the hug in return. She should’ve known he’d try and resist coming back with her. “You’re still little, baby. I’m not just gonna leave you alone. Now come on, get together some comfy clothes. You’re not going back to work for a few weeks, and you’re gonna spend as much of it as you want as my little boy.” She didn’t phrase it like a question and he was smart enough to realize that, but that didn’t stop him from attempting to argue back.   
“But-” he began, only to be interrupted by JJ, who knew better than to think he’d simply accept.  
“Nope, no buts. Spencer, I love you so much. And I know the way you’re feeling, but you know you could never, ever bother me with the things you need. I just want to see you happy, honey,” She pulled away from the hug and placed a finger under his chin, urging him to look at her. “You can stay with me as long as you want, ok sunshine?” He nodded, not knowing what else to say. “Alright, sweet boy, looks like you’re stuck with me, now let’s get you all packed,” JJ began removing his work clothes from his duffel bag when she realized what felt so wrong about his apartment. “Baby, where’s the stuff you use when you’re little here?”  
Spencer didn’t move his attention from where he dug through a drawer in his dresser, stacking a few pairs of neatly folded sweatpants and t-shirts on top of the surface. “Don’t have anything,” he replied nonchalantly. “‘M not little when I’m here.”  
He’d never had the freedom to actually enjoy his headspace. Even when he had let himself slip at home, he was still on high alert. What if one of his neighbors needed something? He’d taken to tutoring the neighborhood kids when he could, what if one of them needed his help and he was there regressed to the mind of a two-year-old? There were too many potential factors that he couldn’t get far enough out of his head to actually enjoy his headspace. So he didn’t.   
JJ’s hands stilled and she looked at him. “Baby what do you mean you’re not little when you’re here?” She knew what he meant, but she wanted so desperately for him to correct her. Everything made sense, the moods he occasionally got into around the bullpen, all those times he’d complained of headaches, been distant, not been himself. Resisting headspace for long periods of time had been proven time and time again to make the individual sick. She was angry with herself for not realizing it sooner. But she couldn’t bring herself to be upset with him. Reid, big or little apparently, had never been the self-care type. She was just glad he knew he had her now.   
“Don’t have time to be little,” he clearly didn’t realize how bad the habit he’d allowed himself to fall into truly was. “I only havva sippy cup I use so I don’t hafta clean up when I spill,” JJ was relieved in the slightest way to find he at least allowed himself that small amount of release.   
“Well, baby, why don’t you bring it to my house? Can you show me where it is?” Spencer grabbed her hand and led her into his kitchen, where he, even as tall as he was, had to stand on his tip-toes to reach the very top shelf of the corner cabinet. He felt around for a moment before pulling out a purple plastic sippy cup with a slightly worn cartoon rocket ship decal printed on the front. He held it out to her, offering it to her for inspection. JJ accepted it and ran her fingers over the scratched image on the front. He’d had this cup for years, she doesn’t have to be a profiler to put that one together. He was far too organized for it to be this damaged from any other cause. It could be that he’s attached to the cup, or that he neglected his headspace too much to get a new one. Or, she thought, perhaps it’s both. He associates the cup with feeling little because he only allows himself this small bit of indulgence. Still, something about the plastic cup felt very well suited to the little. The color was near identical to the scarf Reid wore quite frequently, and the design, while childish, still had a scientific theme. Always the academic, that Spencer Reid.  
“It’s very nice, baby. Do you like space?” She wanted to get to know little Spencer. It was like meeting her best friend all over again.  
“Yeah!” he cheered. “The moon ‘n’ the stars ‘n’ the planets.” He gasped and fumbled around in his pocket, retrieving his pacifier. “Did you know the sun is really a star, mama?” There was a childlike joy in his eyes as he showed her the sun on the button of the pacifier.   
“I do now,” JJ smiled at him. “You’re so smart, honey. Why don’t you tell me everything you know about space while we finish packing your bag?”   
“Ok, mama! Ooh, and did you know that Jupiter has 79 moons? Or that…” His voice faded out a bit as he returned to his bedroom, now packing his bag with excitement as he rattled off fun facts about the solar system. JJ listened intently as he told her all about meteors and galaxies far, far away, letting him ramble on. 

If it made him happy, it made her happy, too.


	5. .5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

“...and the moon used to be a part of the Earth but then it just, like, broke off and now it’s in the sky,” Spencer was still rambling as they walked out of his building and to the car, though he did go quiet and drop her hand that he was holding as they passed through the lobby. Once they exited the building, however, his energy was back without falter, and he grabbed her hand again. His babbling stopped when they reached the car, but only because he realized he’d left his beloved cat plush behind when they’d gone in. “Ollie!” he squealed, picking the toy up and hugging it tightly. JJ buckled him into the back seat of the car and dug his sippy cup out of his bag. They’d filled it with water before they left his apartment but he’d insisted she put it in his bag until they got to the car.

“Here, baby, you haven’t had anything to drink today,” He took it and took a sip.

“T’anks, mama,” he mumbled around the tip before taking another drink.

JJ ruffled his hair. “Of course, sunshine,” she closed the door and sat in the driver’s seat. “So, honey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but I was thinking we should go to the grocery store on the way home. We can get some snacks for you. Does that sound ok?”

JJ met his eyes in the rearview mirror, and although they were widened a bit he didn’t look afraid, just attentive. He thought for a moment. “C’n we get jello, mama?” She took that as a yes. 

“Of course we can, baby,” She pulled her attention from the mirror to focus on the road, allowing herself to steal glances at him when she could, watching as he swayed happily in his seat and played with his plushie. He muttered nonsense around the pacifier he’d returned to his mouth upon finishing the water they’d put in his cup. 

JJ parked the car, not that Spencer noticed. He was much too engrossed in the adventures of Ollie the cat he’d begun. He only realized they’d arrived when JJ opened his door and leaned over to unbuckle him. He left Ollie in the car and put his pacifier in his pocket again, but he allowed himself to hold JJ’s hand as they walked into the supermarket. 

JJ learned more about Spencer while shopping than she’d anticipated. She learned that he doesn’t like olives, and he’s very lactose intolerant so he only drinks almond milk. And, of course, she learned he absolutely loves jello, and his favorite flavor is orange. She learned that his favorite juice is apple juice, and he loves chicken noodle soup. The thing that came as the biggest shock to her, though, is that little Spencer HATES coffee. He says it tastes like you’re not supposed to drink it. JJ is almost relieved.  
JJ did her best to keep it brief. She could tell that, while he was doing significantly better than in his apartment building, Spencer would certainly rather be anywhere else. When they passed other shoppers, his grip on her hand tightened a bit and his eyes met the multicolored tiles of the aisle floor. This didn’t surprise JJ. She wasn’t expecting him to do a complete 180 after just one conversation. It wasn’t until he got extremely fidgety that she began to get concerned. He was rocking on his feet, one hand holding hers tightly while the other was balled in a fist at his side. “Spencer, honey, are you ok?” His fidgeting stopped as soon as he heard her voice. “Love, it’s ok if you’re uncomfortable being in public, I didn’t expect you to be ok right away. Come on, we can pay and go home,” JJ figured that was what was causing his behavior.  
“‘S not that,” he mumbled into the floor.  
“Alright then, baby, what’s up because this isn’t my happy boy,” She was mindful to be gentle when she placed her hand on his shoulder.  
“I- I hafta go potty, mama,” his voice was almost inaudible as he spoke.  
“Ok honey, let’s go to the bathroom then, it’s just back here,” she began leading him in the direction of the grocery store’s restrooms, and he followed, hesitant as he may have been. She was about to push open the door to the family restroom when he stopped her.  
“Can’t. Can’t go there.” he muttered so softly, and still refusing to look up, she wondered for a moment if he may have been talking to his shoes rather than her.  
“What do you mean you can’t go here, honey?”  
“It’s- it’s icky here. Too many germs,” JJ wasn’t surprised by this. Even when big Spencer was quite the germaphobe. He finally forced his eyes from the ground and looked at her. “‘M sorry, mama,” tears welled in his eyes as he apologized for nothing. A habit of his JJ was dead-set on working on.  
“Baby you have nothing to be sorry for. I know these bathrooms can be yucky sometimes. You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. We can pay for the groceries really quickly and get you home, does that sound like something you can do?” Tears continued to roll down his cheeks as he shook his head violently.  
“C-can’t wait that long, ‘m sorry mama, ‘m sorry,” he continued shaking his head as he sobbed. JJ wanted to comfort him but she didn’t know how to. She encouraged him to sit on the ground, somehow those germs didn’t bother him as much and attempted to place a hand on his arm as a sign of comfort, but he jerked away and cried harder at the action. Physical contact was not an option, it seemed.  
“Shhhh, honey it’s ok. There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she whispered and sat down next to him. Some other shoppers turned their heads, but JJ paid them no mind, and Spencer was so absolved in his own conflict he didn’t even notice. His eyes were squeezed tight shut as more and more tears began to flow from them. His hands came up to his ears and he covered them forcefully, making any attempt he could to block out the noise of his surroundings. His knees were pulled close to his chest as he tried desperately to fold into himself.

This went on for quite a bit, though JJ wasn’t timing it. He was having a hard time processing his situation, and she wasn’t going to be upset with him for having a hard time expressing it in return.  
Eventually, his crying slowed for a moment before he looked down in horror and began sobbing harder, muttering more apologies under his breath and hugged his knees impossibly closer, burying his head in them, knocking his foggy glasses askew in the process.  
JJ knew what had happened, and was hurt to see his reaction. She wished it had been any other circumstance, anything less public, less exposed for his sake. She wished she could help him the way she wanted to, but that wasn’t up to her. No matter how badly she wanted to hug him to her chest and tell him that it’s ok, she knew she couldn’t because that’s not what would help him right now. JJ knew what had happened. Spencer had just had his first accident.  
“Oh, baby,” she breathed. “Sweetheart it’s ok, baby, it’s ok, you’re ok,” reminding him that he’s ok and safe was the only thing she could do for him.  
He lifted his head from his knees and looked at her with puffy, bloodshot eyes. His nose was running though he made no motion to wipe it. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was matted to his forehead from being pressed against it as he cried. “‘S not ok!” he exclaimed softly. “‘S not fair to you, mama.”  
“To me? Spencer, sweetheart, it doesn’t bother me at all,” she knew Spencer would be more concerned about her, even though he was the one with tear tracks on his face and a persistent wobbly bottom lip.  
“Why not? I had an ‘accinent’” JJ almost smiled at his mispronunciation of the word “accident” but had a better mind to do otherwise.  
“Exactly, baby. An accident. And even if it wasn’t an accident that’s ok, too,” JJ truly didn’t mind. There was nothing he could do that could ever upset her, especially not while he was in a state as vulnerable as when he was regressed. “I really don’t mind, love,” and she wanted him to know that.  
“Y-you’re not mad?” He looked at her, realizing there wasn’t even a hint of anger on her face. JJ smiled at him and shook her head.  
“Never.” Her confirmation was enough for him to fling himself into hugging her. JJ gladly accepted, happy he would let her hold him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I normally don't do end notes but I just figured I'd let y'all know what the deal is with that ending. Well, I really hate doing this, but it's going to transition directly into the next chapter. I wasn't planning on writing it like that originally but that's how my timeline worked out. This one is definitely on the shorter side, but once I had some semblance of a conclusion I decided to post because I wanted to update asap. The next part will be out soon.
> 
> Much love
> 
> _Ainss


	6. .6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I get ANYTHING about the autism spectrum wrong PLEASE tell me. I'm doing intense research and I'm going to try my best to be as accurate, but I'm not autistic. I don't know everything. If I say something wrong or, god forbid, offensive please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> That aside, I really hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> _Ainss

They stayed like that for a while. JJ held Spencer’s head close to her chest as he attempted to steady his breathing. JJ could tell his brain was running a mile a minute still, and the tears had yet to stop flowing. She rubbed slow, uniform circles on his back with one hand. She saw his hand drawing near to his mouth, inching closer and closer to inserting one of the digits into his mouth. “Baby, no, not your fingers,” she nudged his hand down with her other hand, and pulled his pacifier out of his pocket. She pulled it out just enough for him to see it and remember that it’s an option. She wanted him to know his comfort items were never off the table. He looked at it for a moment before deciding he did want it, and he placed it between his lips. It gave him something to focus on besides the events that had just transpired. He focused on the rhythm of his pacifier, and the small circles JJ continued to rub against his back. 

Slowly but surely his breathing slowed and his body relaxed. He didn’t move, and JJ wondered for a moment if he had fallen asleep, but when she shifted to check he looked up at her with wide eyes, no longer clouded by fear and hurt. He just appeared sleepy. “Come on, love, let’s go pay so we can go home and take a nap. Does that sound good?” He didn’t speak. He didn’t have the strength. He sat up from where he leaned against her chest and nodded with agreement instead. “Alright sweetheart. We’ll go quick, just a few minutes, ok, love?” She stood from the floor and brushed herself off before extending a hand to help him stand up. He moved to take his pacifier out, but he appeared disappointed to do so. He moved sadly, feeling more out of obligation, and JJ stopped him. “It’s ok honey, you don’t have to take it out if you don’t want to.” His demeanor softened once again as his hand pulled away from the item.  
He held JJ’s hand tight as they approached the checkout. The cashier, a short woman with deep brown hair that reminded Spencer of Emily, smiled at him as they approached. Spencer hid himself behind JJ’s arm as she placed the items on the counter, and subconsciously wiped at his face with his sleeve. He’d stopped sobbing but tears were still streaming down his cheeks, and his nose was still running. The cashier reached under the counter and emerged with a box of tissues. “Here you go, honey. This might be a little better than your sleeve,” She placed the box on the counter so he could reach it without stepping out from behind his caregiver.  
“T’ank you,” he muttered around his pacifier as he took a tissue from the box.  
“Not a problem,” she waved it off. “And if it’s ok with her,” she gestured to JJ, “I have something that might help make you feel better.” She looked to JJ for approval, who nodded her head. The cashier reached under the counter again, this time bringing a jar with lollipops with her. Spencer perked up. It reminded him of the jar Penelope had in her office. “You can take one, go ahead,” the woman encouraged him.  
Spencer took a hesitant step out from behind JJ. “T’ank you,” he said again, this time smiling back when the woman smiled at him.  
“Such good manners,” she said as she began scanning their items. Spencer tucked the treat into his pocket. He wasn’t planning on taking his pacifier out any time soon.  
\--  
Spencer was practically sleepwalking by the time they exited the store. JJ put him in the car before the groceries, scared if she made him stand for a minute longer he’d pass out on the spot. She buckled his seatbelt, and JJ was sure he was already asleep. She kissed the top of his messy curls and took his glasses off. She spotted Ollie on the seat next to him, so she picked up the toy and placed it in his lap. She put the grocery bags in the car quietly and finally buckled herself into the driver’s seat. The drive home was quiet, but that didn’t bother JJ at all. She could hear Spencer’s slow, even breathing as he slept in the back seat. He sniffled occasionally, but other than that was still and quiet.  
JJ carried him inside first, scooping him up as gently as she could, propping his head on her shoulder, and grabbing Ollie from where he had fallen onto the floor. She laid Spencer on the couch. She wanted him to be able to see her when he woke.  
She knew she had to change him, she couldn’t let him sit in a wet diaper for long unless she wanted him to get a rash. She did so quickly, maneuvering his legs carefully as not to rouse him. She decided to leave him without pants. Putting them back on would be unnecessarily risking waking him up, and he’d gone without pants the night before, anyway. She grabbed the star covered blue blanket he’d chosen from her bins from the bed as she returned the changing materials to their respective places. She draped it over him as he napped on the couch. Only then did she return to the car to retrieve the bags of groceries.

\--

“Mama?” Spencer’s voice grabbed JJ’s attention just over an hour after returning home. She immediately put down the book in her hand and turned all her focus to the boy who had now sat up on the opposite side of the sofa. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the backs of his hands before looking up at her and smiling. He crawled across the couch to sit closer to her.  
“Hi, baby, how was your nap? Do you feel better now?” She silently asked if he was ok with touch by opening her arms to invite him to lie with her, which he eagerly accepted. He laid his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat to keep himself grounded. She played with his hair, running the curled ends between her fingers.  
“Little better,” he replied. “Head’s still kinda fuzzy, though.”  
“That’s ok, love. We’ll have a calm day today, alright?” He nodded against her and sighed contentedly, his eyes fluttered closed. He wasn’t physically tired, the nap he’d taken cleared that up quite effectively. On the contrary, he was emotionally tired beyond compare. While letting himself be taken care of by JJ, someone he trusts more than anyone, had put his mind at ease more than it would be if he was at his apartment, left unattended with his thoughts, it wasn’t going to make the trauma that came with being kidnapped, drugged, and tortured for two days disappear overnight. 

He needed time, and JJ was more than happy to give him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm gonna start putting notes at the end just so I can keep you guys in the loop about where my head is at regarding this story. 
> 
> So this chapter is going to be the last one of this specific plotline. The next one is going to have a time jump, I haven't decided how large yet, but probably a few months. The next plotline is going to bring in the rest of the BAU (I'm sticking to the season 7 cast because they're elite) and establish their role in Spencer's life a bit more. It'll probably be pretty fluffy, maybe a bit of angst just stemming from anxiety and stuff like that, nothing too crazy.
> 
> If there's anything you'd like to see from this story just comment a request and if I can I'll find a way to work it in.
> 
> As always, I'm going to try and be as accurate as possible with depicting Spencer's autism, but I myself am not autistic. I'm neurodivergent so I know about it to a degree bit I'm not autistic, so if I say something that's incorrect, please correct me. The last thing I want to do is inaccurately portray such a serious subject.
> 
> I would also just like to restate that requests are always welcome, pretty much nothing is completely off the table (so long as it's kept PG with no slash) and whatever is requested, I'll do my best to incorporate it in at some point.
> 
> Other than that, I'm already working on the next chapter so it should be up relatively quickly so be on the lookout for that.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> _Ainss


End file.
